I’m in the process of learning an important
lesson. It’s a lesson which is probably obvious for most people -- something which, in theory, I've understood for awhile, but which I haven't really recognized as being true until very recently.
Here's the thing, my life is really
wonderful right now. I have pretty much everything I want and need. But, despite apparent smooth sailing, I've actually been really struggling. I know I've always
been incredibly blessed, but there have been some really challenging periods in
my life--times when, externally, things seemed
pretty horrible. During these periods, it made sense that I struggled a little bit. And because of those experiences, it's easy for me to see that my life shouldn't be tough right now.
But it is.
I'm realizing that—almost no matter what—life is hard.
Sometimes it’s hard because unanticipated events disrupt our plans or families, sometimes it’s hard because it’s monotonous, sometimes it’s hard because it’s exhausting, sometimes it's hard because it's confusing, sometimes it's hard because it's disappointing and sometimes it’s hard because your French class is really hard. And makes you cry. Almost every day…..
But it is.
I'm realizing that—almost no matter what—life is hard.
Sometimes it’s hard because unanticipated events disrupt our plans or families, sometimes it’s hard because it’s monotonous, sometimes it’s hard because it’s exhausting, sometimes it's hard because it's confusing, sometimes it's hard because it's disappointing and sometimes it’s hard because your French class is really hard. And makes you cry. Almost every day…..
A couple of weeks ago, Daw Anh San Suu Kyi came
to my school. Thanks to the ever chivalrous Brother
S., I was able to get in to hear her speak. The talk she gave was simpler, but also much more personally meaningful than I anticipated. For me, the most profound part came during the question and answer period. When asked about how she
coped with the oppressive boredom that must have accompanied the years she
spent under house arrest, she said this:
“Inner resources are
important to keep you going under all circumstances. These inner resources you
acquire throughout life, not just during your years in school. I would say to
try to strengthen yourself internally. Don’t depend too much on external
factors. You must be able to live with yourself. What is important for you is
not just to be able to suffer the hardships of bad fortune but also to know how
to suffer the forces of good fortune.”
Over the last weeks, I fear I've
allowed eternal forces (forces related to my good fortune) to hinder my ability to enjoy life—and to stifle the development of my internal resources. By giving external things undue
significance, I’ve given them the power to make me extremely unhappy. It seems
infantile, almost ridiculous when I write it, but between worrying about what's going to happen over the next five years and struggling in one of my classes, I've been a very unhappy person for the past 7 weeks. I don’t think I’ve ever cried this much—or so easily. I’ve never been so homesick, so nostalgic, so
exhausted, so anxious, or so incoherent! I’ve
never doubted myself and my abilities so much.
I realize my current problems
are acutely insignificant—in the grand scheme of my life and compared with the problems so many others face. But these "problems" have forced some serious, painful and probably important introspection. They've forced me to realize how much I rely on validation from
others, how I expect to succeed when I put in effort, how much I rely on support from my family, how unhappy and
confused I become when I don't receive accolades for my efforts, how afraid I am of failure. Basically, how much external forces can impact my personal happiness.
I've also come to realize that, sometimes, more visibly apparent hardships make coping simpler. Perhaps this is because, when you go through an obvious trial, people around you recognize what you're going through. Maybe it's because these challenges often have significance, not just for you--but to others too. Or maybe it's because you feel validated in blaming sadness and unhappiness associated with these trials on things outside of your control....But maybe it's important to recognize the significance of the seemingly insignificant trials--not just for my own personal development, but in order to be more empathetic with others. To see that, regardless of how it may appear on the outside, everyone is struggling in some way or another, and that everyone's challenges are substantial and significant.
These trials of good fortune are tricky and I think it might take me awhile to learn to cope with them graciously. But, I guess that's what this thing called life is for, right?
I've also come to realize that, sometimes, more visibly apparent hardships make coping simpler. Perhaps this is because, when you go through an obvious trial, people around you recognize what you're going through. Maybe it's because these challenges often have significance, not just for you--but to others too. Or maybe it's because you feel validated in blaming sadness and unhappiness associated with these trials on things outside of your control....But maybe it's important to recognize the significance of the seemingly insignificant trials--not just for my own personal development, but in order to be more empathetic with others. To see that, regardless of how it may appear on the outside, everyone is struggling in some way or another, and that everyone's challenges are substantial and significant.
These trials of good fortune are tricky and I think it might take me awhile to learn to cope with them graciously. But, I guess that's what this thing called life is for, right?
